This one is straight to business:))
how many times in a day you get a cold call with a voice on the other end trying to sell you a investemnt plan, credit card, Gym membership or even a dog shit for that matter and whats your natural response? i dont want it, call me later, allready have it etc and just when you are about to hangup the voice gives out a bait or value prop , sir 2 lacs ka insurance free, madame ke liyen tea set free ,bete ke liyen porn free ..... so basically a typical sales cycle not much worth to talk about right?, thats what i thought when the phone rang the other day after 5 mins of guess who? guess who? play, i realised its one of this girls i did undergrad with and thanks to my indescrition on a world wide web she got hold of my number. now isnt it allways a pleasure to accidently meet people you went to school with and revisit old memories and that what i atempted at when i asked her what she's been upto and here is the account of that conversation
Me: hey its been long time, i guess more then 10 years( while i am tryin to place a name to a
face)
she: yeah its been long so i thought let me find out what you are upto
( now this was starnge as even after couple of miniutes of animate conversation i was still unable to put a name to a face, boob or length of the skirt, cummon i was 18 then, with harmones in overdrive and these seemed to be quite ligit classifications )
Me: so whats up with you
she: well i am doing fine, workg for a MNC as HR and getting Married soon( now she laid this extra stress in "getting married" bit so i though maybe she called me to invite and want me to talk about her upcoming nuptal adventurs)
Me( poor soul unaware of what i was walking into): nice so when is it, who is the guy etc etc
she: well the guy is not fixed yet and so is the date!!!!!!
Me: ahhh, the way you said i tought its all planned.
Me: so the hunt is on i guess( i actualy thoght she must be going through the same ol shit of meeting guys, drssig up, parents wacking why cnt u just choose one, just like they say when a child cant made up his mind on which teady bear he wants to buy)
She: well there was this guy( oh kahani main twist)
me : so what happened?( now this was only my way of making small talk )
She : well i me this guy, my family introduced us and evertything was ok but then i found out that he was not a good guy, he was a scoundreal and cheat( by this moment i started feeling a lil uncomfortable)
me: why wht happened?
she: he lied about his salary
me:what??
she: yeah the ass lied about his salary, he told me a number and laer i found out that it was 20% less the what he has told me.
me: ok!!!!!!! so how did u found out?
she: i asked for his salary reipt and his appointment letter( did i mention that she was a HR,wanted to make sure that the candidate is furnishing all the right details, just wondering if the guy in question asked her for sample of her bra just to check if all good he was bargening for are real and not 20% inflated like his salary wth the help of a pushup)
me: wow u actually did that ?
she: yes yar dint wanted to take any chances, the ass was including is his incentenve scheme in his salary, raskal( god know what incentives he was expecting out of you)
by this time i was confused weather to laugh or to get turned off, since we were allready n the topic i thought let me find out what is on her checklist for prospective groom so i asked..
Me: so what kind of person are you looking for?
she: well i dont want that guy has to have a big car, big house and give me lods of jwellery BUT he should me well educated as i am a MBA myself (pause )and he should be well setteled .
the stress she put on "well setteled" made me ask her
me: so what do u mean by well setteled?
She: look yar i have a gr8 job, i make around 45K and the guy should atleast be making a minimum of 2lacs/month incentives and perks extra( wow she is aming for some top shelve cock)
me: so you make 45k.month and you will accept or reject a guy who makes a minimum of 2 lacs/month incentives and perks extra..( now she is not demanding at all i mean she doesnt want him to care for her or be nice, not everyday you get such non demanding girl a true catch!!)
She: so what yar i have what a guys want( just then i realised who this girl was , the double DD wonder and yup hard to challange her there she did had something which men want) plus i will give him everything....... garunteed ..(the hint was clear with the tone , lady in question was talking about carnal pleasures, god knows what tricks she had learned which she was peddling with such great confidence)
by this time i was quite turned off!!
she: so what r u doing now a days, heard u r doing preety good, so howmuch r u making.......
she : lets go out sometime , we will have fun.....( really sluty voice)
somehow this dint turned me on at all but mad me mad
me: why am i prosective candidate too (thinking if all prospective candidates get a sneak peek of future incentives)
She : you are not bad at all
me: but i guess its kinda bad deal for me
she: how???
u will be surpised but me who would barely pass his maths 101 in high school actually turns into a number crunching geek when it comes to deals and then i did the unthinkable i start calculating the cost of marital bed that this lady was so aggressively pitching, i know u all girls out there think i am a complete asshole. perv and complete MCP but still..
so here what happens next..
me: cos you ae very costly
she : what do u mean by that?
me: look what you are bringing to the table is month long humping @ 2lacs right, now since a month has 30 days out which you will not be available for 7 days for all natural rasons( now i know lot of men ar in that kind of shit but some how i find it gross so pls) we are left with 23 days out of these 10 days can be taken out when either u r tired or i am so that makes it 13 days out ofwhich the guy you will marry will most probabily will be travelling for 5 days for work( since you want to marry a cash cow) so tht makes it just 8 days, now lets assusme that for thos 8 days you will give your best services or what ever you are peddeling, that comes out to be Rs.25000/romp, which i feel is quite expensive i mean there are no discounts for long term contract plus economics is very clear the law of diminshing marginal utility wil kick in very soon the interest level will drop since the package only contains romp.
and
if i put this in a linear model( which is very simple as your only index for marriege is monthly salary vs ROMP satisfaction) there is a negitive co relation as with age the guys salary will keep on increasing but both your so called beuty and will to romp questiont will go down( not to forget those double D's yo are so proud off) ultimatly leadng to leser and lesser romp satisfaction. to put things in more prespective lets take a 3 yr period on scale
assumptions :
1)20% apparasal yr on year,
2) job change in 2 ears with 40% hike
3) no of days for romp constant at:8 days/month
year monthly salary cost /romp
Base year Rs.200,000 Rs.25000
1 year Rs.240000 Rs.30000
2 year Rs.288000 Rs.36000
year of job change with 40% hike
3 year Rs.403200 Rs. 50400
so you see the cost of romp is increasing with every year and this is only accounting calculation aif we add a satisfaction questiont to this calculation to derive the Real cost /romp it will be outrageously high so hence i guess its a very very Bad deal.. what do you guys thik?
She: silence
She : fuck off you asshole
teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
how many times in a day you get a cold call with a voice on the other end trying to sell you a investemnt plan, credit card, Gym membership or even a dog shit for that matter and whats your natural response? i dont want it, call me later, allready have it etc and just when you are about to hangup the voice gives out a bait or value prop , sir 2 lacs ka insurance free, madame ke liyen tea set free ,bete ke liyen porn free ..... so basically a typical sales cycle not much worth to talk about right?, thats what i thought when the phone rang the other day after 5 mins of guess who? guess who? play, i realised its one of this girls i did undergrad with and thanks to my indescrition on a world wide web she got hold of my number. now isnt it allways a pleasure to accidently meet people you went to school with and revisit old memories and that what i atempted at when i asked her what she's been upto and here is the account of that conversation
Me: hey its been long time, i guess more then 10 years( while i am tryin to place a name to a
face)
she: yeah its been long so i thought let me find out what you are upto
( now this was starnge as even after couple of miniutes of animate conversation i was still unable to put a name to a face, boob or length of the skirt, cummon i was 18 then, with harmones in overdrive and these seemed to be quite ligit classifications )
Me: so whats up with you
she: well i am doing fine, workg for a MNC as HR and getting Married soon( now she laid this extra stress in "getting married" bit so i though maybe she called me to invite and want me to talk about her upcoming nuptal adventurs)
Me( poor soul unaware of what i was walking into): nice so when is it, who is the guy etc etc
she: well the guy is not fixed yet and so is the date!!!!!!
Me: ahhh, the way you said i tought its all planned.
Me: so the hunt is on i guess( i actualy thoght she must be going through the same ol shit of meeting guys, drssig up, parents wacking why cnt u just choose one, just like they say when a child cant made up his mind on which teady bear he wants to buy)
She: well there was this guy( oh kahani main twist)
me : so what happened?( now this was only my way of making small talk )
She : well i me this guy, my family introduced us and evertything was ok but then i found out that he was not a good guy, he was a scoundreal and cheat( by this moment i started feeling a lil uncomfortable)
me: why wht happened?
she: he lied about his salary
me:what??
she: yeah the ass lied about his salary, he told me a number and laer i found out that it was 20% less the what he has told me.
me: ok!!!!!!! so how did u found out?
she: i asked for his salary reipt and his appointment letter( did i mention that she was a HR,wanted to make sure that the candidate is furnishing all the right details, just wondering if the guy in question asked her for sample of her bra just to check if all good he was bargening for are real and not 20% inflated like his salary wth the help of a pushup)
me: wow u actually did that ?
she: yes yar dint wanted to take any chances, the ass was including is his incentenve scheme in his salary, raskal( god know what incentives he was expecting out of you)
by this time i was confused weather to laugh or to get turned off, since we were allready n the topic i thought let me find out what is on her checklist for prospective groom so i asked..
Me: so what kind of person are you looking for?
she: well i dont want that guy has to have a big car, big house and give me lods of jwellery BUT he should me well educated as i am a MBA myself (pause )and he should be well setteled .
the stress she put on "well setteled" made me ask her
me: so what do u mean by well setteled?
She: look yar i have a gr8 job, i make around 45K and the guy should atleast be making a minimum of 2lacs/month incentives and perks extra( wow she is aming for some top shelve cock)
me: so you make 45k.month and you will accept or reject a guy who makes a minimum of 2 lacs/month incentives and perks extra..( now she is not demanding at all i mean she doesnt want him to care for her or be nice, not everyday you get such non demanding girl a true catch!!)
She: so what yar i have what a guys want( just then i realised who this girl was , the double DD wonder and yup hard to challange her there she did had something which men want) plus i will give him everything....... garunteed ..(the hint was clear with the tone , lady in question was talking about carnal pleasures, god knows what tricks she had learned which she was peddling with such great confidence)
by this time i was quite turned off!!
she: so what r u doing now a days, heard u r doing preety good, so howmuch r u making.......
she : lets go out sometime , we will have fun.....( really sluty voice)
somehow this dint turned me on at all but mad me mad
me: why am i prosective candidate too (thinking if all prospective candidates get a sneak peek of future incentives)
She : you are not bad at all
me: but i guess its kinda bad deal for me
she: how???
u will be surpised but me who would barely pass his maths 101 in high school actually turns into a number crunching geek when it comes to deals and then i did the unthinkable i start calculating the cost of marital bed that this lady was so aggressively pitching, i know u all girls out there think i am a complete asshole. perv and complete MCP but still..
so here what happens next..
me: cos you ae very costly
she : what do u mean by that?
me: look what you are bringing to the table is month long humping @ 2lacs right, now since a month has 30 days out which you will not be available for 7 days for all natural rasons( now i know lot of men ar in that kind of shit but some how i find it gross so pls) we are left with 23 days out of these 10 days can be taken out when either u r tired or i am so that makes it 13 days out ofwhich the guy you will marry will most probabily will be travelling for 5 days for work( since you want to marry a cash cow) so tht makes it just 8 days, now lets assusme that for thos 8 days you will give your best services or what ever you are peddeling, that comes out to be Rs.25000/romp, which i feel is quite expensive i mean there are no discounts for long term contract plus economics is very clear the law of diminshing marginal utility wil kick in very soon the interest level will drop since the package only contains romp.
and
if i put this in a linear model( which is very simple as your only index for marriege is monthly salary vs ROMP satisfaction) there is a negitive co relation as with age the guys salary will keep on increasing but both your so called beuty and will to romp questiont will go down( not to forget those double D's yo are so proud off) ultimatly leadng to leser and lesser romp satisfaction. to put things in more prespective lets take a 3 yr period on scale
assumptions :
1)20% apparasal yr on year,
2) job change in 2 ears with 40% hike
3) no of days for romp constant at:8 days/month
year monthly salary cost /romp
Base year Rs.200,000 Rs.25000
1 year Rs.240000 Rs.30000
2 year Rs.288000 Rs.36000
year of job change with 40% hike
3 year Rs.403200 Rs. 50400
so you see the cost of romp is increasing with every year and this is only accounting calculation aif we add a satisfaction questiont to this calculation to derive the Real cost /romp it will be outrageously high so hence i guess its a very very Bad deal.. what do you guys thik?
She: silence
She : fuck off you asshole
teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Arrey there's no cost of diminishing romp. Incomplete. Tch Tch. Sin tumse ye ummeed nahin thee. Insult karni hai to dhang se karro na!! ;-)
ReplyDelete@devingel: i agee the cost quficient of diminshing rom satidfactin is missing, will add once i am sure there is no No romp for sin fatwa raised aginst me
ReplyDeleteWell done MR Sin...
ReplyDeleteProbability 1:- Based upon your past record it is easy to predict u have higher chances of suffering from some deadly disease, so either u will die or kill ur partner. If you get killed, she will again be alone. If you both die, money she married for will be wasted. But she can donate or give to her children.
Probability 2:-WIth XXX as a habit , u will definately cheat on ur wife particularly for 7 days if not more. She will be alone and but will have atleast money to survive in this world.
So the probability of marrying u for money is higher than for any other u. I am not advocating her, but ur also not a saint. WIll u marry a divorce; a handicapped ; poor girl....No U will look for beautiful weell educated, from GOOD RICH KNOWN FAMILY Then how can u cast a opinion on someone else choices.
No matter u do Indian Mens USP was only commitment since like u have lost it koi aapko kyu le koi aur na lela
Jinke appne Ghar Seesha ko ho unhe dusro ke gharo pe pathar nahi marne chaiya MR SIN... I hope u got it
ReplyDelete